baton rouge

~ Monday, June 4 ~

I’m getting nervous about my dance recital. I thought I didn’t want anyone to go because I didn’t want to embarrass myself but now Danielle’s not going and Christina probably won’t and David definitely won’t. I don’t want to go up there looking short, pale and fat next to Leighanna. I don’t want other dancers at the studio to make fun of me and I don’t want people talking about me. I feel like it was a huge waste of my time because I’m not half as good as it as I wanted to be. I don’t know what I expected though. I don’t want people to watch me dance and say, “well at least she tried,” or “the other girl was way better.” I’m so sad today. Why do I always have little breakdowns the days I don’t get to see Zachariah?